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Okay I will say it! I hate this whole process!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me get it out of my system right now!  I HATE EXCERSIZING AND I HATE BEING SORE WHEN I DO - I HATE MY JOINTS KILLING ME WHEN I AM WRESTLING WITH A 4 YEAR OLD IN A BAD MOOD!  I HATE THAT RIGHT NOW I NEED BADLY SOME OF SILO'S BLUE CHEESE MASHED TATERS AND A SIRLOIN MEDIUM RARE!  I HATE THAT I HAVE BLISTERS ALL THE TIME!  I HATE THAT THIS F$%#%NG FAT WONT GO AWAY AT A FASTER RATE!  AFTER ALL IT STARTED SO SIMPLY, BOWL OF CEREAL LATE AT NIGHT, ICE CREAM TWICE IN ONE DAY, STAYING TO WORK THRU LUNCH AND SKIPPING BREAKfast AND NOW SKIPPING LUNCH!

But what I hate worse than all of those things is a new outfit that i ordered online from Eileen Fischer and my size 18 no longer fits when it arrives!!!!  and realising that those type of clothes are made for thin people and when you put this style on a fat person they look like they are wearing a table cloth... I hate going to chamber gatherings and feeling like everyone knows I am trying to breathe in and out while wearing what i like to call bicycle pants but are actually gradmas girdles under my dress pants.  I want to wear dresses and high heals again!  I want to feel feminine again!  Because I havent in a long time!  I want to stop taking an antidepressants or any medication!  I want to feel alive again!  I want the numbness to stop today!  I hate the fact that all of my team mates are so freakin perky and i just want to find a punching bag to set up in my garage to kick and swear at!  Yes I am crabby as hell!  I know there have to be other dieters like me out there!  Right now i do not see what they saw in me to pick me for this program, because right now i dont feel very "nice". 

BBBBUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

I love it when that outfit now fits and when my blisters are starting to heal and when I can go .and work in the garden and my back does not go out on me from bending over and when I walk away from the dr pepper because i do not feel like one.  When i finish all my water because i actually like drinking it and find it very satisfying.  But most importantly I can actually say little by little i am starting to feel better and stronger and I want to bring more things into my life like meeting new people and trying new things!  I am stepping out of my comfort zone and for a 54 yr old i am making plans to take those vacations i have always wanted to take (some bicycling and hiking) through France and Italy!  and I want my neck back - i lost about 10 years ago and i want it back!

Okay, darn it , I dont love the process and I dont have to BUT if it gets me the kind of life I want to improve to .... then damn it i will do it and do it better than anyone else (ahuh). 

Sorry for my Saturday Nite Rant but I did not find TiTo today and hell thought i would bend your ears!   I HATE TO EXCERCISE BUT I HAVE A LIFE I PLAN TO LIVE AS A HEALTHY AND FIT  AND HAPPY PERSON.    Oh, well thanks for listening... if anyone wants to tell me what a terrible person I am can you wait till i am over this hump, please?

Published Saturday, March 15, 2008 8:15 PM by Belinda

Comments

 

Mickster40 said:

Vent away Belinda, I believe that is what this Blog is for, your highs and your lows.  Some days we have a little of both!
March 15, 2008 10:29 PM
 

diannag said:

belinda...... hey keep going, been there done that . i know exactly what you are saying. i would hate to get dressed for anything, i would think i would look  ok but then later on in pics, i would look  like i was like 3 foot wide !!!!! it was terrible. so  i would not buy anything hardly, thats the reason that my closet is mostly full of scrubs and shorts.
   now here it is, i am here working out and walking, walking walking. if all goes well, maybe i will end up shopping, shopping shopping!!! not too much though, but a girl can dream!!! see you on the treadmill...dianna
March 15, 2008 10:39 PM
 

Lore01 said:

Nothing that reaps grand rewards is ever easy...but I think with every soar muscle and blister you will appreciate it more when you are biking through Italy! Also another thing you may want to think about that will get you through this is that you were picked out of hundreds of people that wish they could be in your place! I being one of them! So we are cheering you on and hoping you are taking full advantage of the great gifts and benefits you have been given! Keep workin hard! Can't wait to see the final result! GO RED TEAM!
March 15, 2008 11:40 PM
 

Belinda said:

lore01 i always wonder about that.... and there are times if you walked up to me I might ripe off the red thing and give it to you But that is only5% of the time the other 95% i want to be worthy of such devine "intervention" in my life... and I always try to focus on that.

diannag - my closet has pant suits and lots and lots of smaller clothes i want to get into and more than anything sweats, lots of sweats!  

Mick - you are always positive even though you have had alot to challenge you... i appreciate you.  thanks

March 15, 2008 11:59 PM
 

MiltonG said:

Tito would be proud of you.  I don't know if this makes you feel better but I believe you'll find this process short.  Let's say it took a year!  The blisters heal.  The muscles get less sore.  The weight drops.  Your weight drops.  Your weight drops!  Think of all the things you'll be able to do!  And as you mentioned, you're already breaking out of your comfort zone.  

Oh, by the way, if you want to get angry, you go right ahead.  YELL TO THE MOON if you have to.  This doggone (can we curse on this blog) process is tougher than HELL!  Early morning workouts, food sacrifices, sore muscles, pulling your liver on some damned hill that Milton promised you wasn't going to be there (dagnab him), none of it easy.  But you are doing it and you're creating a life that would be much different otherwise.  Your strength and the strength of our other teammates amazes me sometimes.  

Okay that was my rant.  By the way, you're a pretty good writer, too.  Nice Rant!
March 16, 2008 8:26 PM
 

MrsMcCulloch said:

Belinda ~ You can do it girl! You are already into week 4 and muscules are gonna start getting less sore and blisters are going to go away. The man upstairs put you in this for a reason and wether you can see it now or not this is a fabulous thing. Not only are you helping yourself but you are helping the other 8 of ya'll that got chosen, me, and all of the other biggest losers in SA that are doing it from home. I'm so glad that you blog on how you feel cause we ALL feel the same way. Well at least I know that is how i feel somedays. Keep it up! You are inspiring and i'm rooting for ya! ~ Marci
March 17, 2008 11:40 AM
 

Belinda said:

Oh my god I have a new zen master to folow, Milt!   You and your tricky moves on that hill .... just a small bump in the road, yea right ...BUT that was one thing I really loved to do!  Now the liver is back in its place and the soreness is coming down and this morning Gil did his best to remind us that we are still required to get on the torture devices and he has devised new ones.  Anyway I hobbled into work today at 11:45am since I passed out for an hour after the workout this morning and for now this is my life and i am lucky in that if I need to "pass out " for an hour or two I can....so I will take full advantage of this.  I dont know about any of you who are around my age doing this kind of thing but I also am finding my right elbow and both knees are swealing for awhile after a work out... I am picking up some glucosimine (SPL?) and hope it helps!
Any other helpful hints for us baby boomers and pain? ... nothing kinky.
March 17, 2008 12:46 PM
 

Belinda said:

Marci - yes you are right blisters do go away and then other things fall apart but I am already happier than i was before i started this thing.  And just like Mickster I was having blood sugar problems and my doc had informed me that if i came in with it high again she would put me on medication... but since then It is the lowest it has been so no problem there!  Thanks for your encouragement Marci and I really hope we meet soon!
March 17, 2008 12:50 PM
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