Okay, today I was truely lucky to not get eliminated. I had my worst week and I was completely bummed! I am not going to dwell on it. Tomorrow is another day, and i have great news to share with you guys.
As my weight gradually climbed back up and stomach started touching the steering wheel, I pretended it wasn't happening. When my seat belt started not to fit, i fighted it. I had worn a seatbelt every day that I have ever driven a vehicle. We have 2 cars, and I mostly drive our Altima, which is more spacious and my seatbelt could close, it was never loose, but it closed and I was okay with that. Our other car is a Cavalier and my seatbelt fit all along until probably last summer. I had to fight so hard to get it on that by the time it was on, five minutes had passed, my face was beet red and I was completely out of breath. After a while I simply decided it wasnt worth the fight, when 5 minutes later started to not be enought time. I would (sorry for the image) tuck the end of the seatbelt into my fat so that it would stay in place while I drove. At least this way i wouldnt get pulled over.
Well Today, I drove the Cavalier home from school. I got in the car, grabbed the seatbelt and latched it in place! I cried a little. Everything about my weight is a bad thing. It is one thing to have problems fitting into clothes at the store, but I had to think to myself... what's next?" Really, If I didn't fit in the seatbelt, the only next step would have been not fitting in the car.
It wasnt until I started this competition that I said what I am about to say out loud. It was more just a haunting thought in the back of my mind that one day I broke down and said it out loud to Gil. I would watch shows like 1/2 ton man, and i couldnt help but think how does that happen. I mean how do you get to the point that you can no longer fit through the door? It dawned on me that this is how. Every pound gained seem rather insignificant on it's own, then you add them all up and neary 400lbs. I realized that for most of those people it was probably one injury. I cant help but think that just one break or one injury that puts me off of my feet for an extended period of time and I am out for the count. That is what happens to these people is that they are fully functioning really fat people like myself that end up in a bed and the cycle of not being able to move, probably eating more because you cant do anything else, then not having enough stength to move once you heal because your musles have weakend and can no longer handle carrying the massive weight. Okay maybe a little bit of a downer, but I have a point!
Getting back into the seatbelt is a reminder that it doesnt have to be like that. Its about getting that weight off and strengthening those muscles so that those fears can diminish or disappear all together. Passing this hump was something so important for my safety first and formost, and I sincerly have to thank WOAI for doing this, And more specifically Shelly, Leslie & Dawn, because you have changed the quality of my life already! Heather and Specturm, not to mention Thanks to GIL for working us hard, and SEAN for really motivating me...I couldnt have done this without them! And for the rest of you, your support has been great strength to me... Sorry, I am feeling a little Sappy Now
