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I cant believe the end is near.....

Since I was eliminated from the show, life hit me hard. My son's grades had dropped, behavior was horrid and my health was in jeaopardy. Part of the reason my sons school and behavior was affected was because I was at the gym right after work every day. My son was doing his homework in the daycare at Spectrum and by the time we got home, I got him fed, bathed and in bed it was almost 9:00 or 9:30. So you can imagine the strain he went through just in lack of sleep. So of course, where did we have time for me to look over his homework to make sure it done right or help him? Now we are struggling to get his grades back up!

Selfishly, I placed all of the attention and focus I had in to losing this weight. Not only for me, but for my son, my health, and everything in between. I thought if I worked hard and won the whole thing, maybe I could continue with whatever prize is given since I am on such a tight budget. Not to mention the glory I would give myself for doing a job well done. I have learned that sometimes, you have to sacrifice everything for your children. Even the things you do for them!

Last week when Leslie and Shelly asked me if I had been following the program, I could have lied and said yes but honestly I havent been. I have still been eating as healthy as I can on the budget I can afford. It's hard when you have roommates that expect you to pitch in for groceries and then you have to go back out and buy special stuff for you. Gets REALLY expensive!

I didnt tell a lot of people this but a couple of weeks ago I found 3 lumps in my left breast. Most of you know that I am a 5 year breast cancer survivor. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I found myself emtionally eating and didnt even care! I stopped going to the gym because of not only time and my son but because I couldnt think about anything but the fact that I may have to go through that tough journey all over again. I even picked smoking back up! Angry This has been a pretty touchy subject for me and it is something I usually dont share much about my experience because it is so private but I felt like maybe this will help others. I am glad to say that the lumps were benign and thank God I will not have to deal with that again!

I am as back on track as I can afford at this point. I am trying to make it to the gym as often as possible or take a walk if I cant. I am trying to find the healthiest way to eat off of what groceries were bought and I am really trying to not let the stresses of my life bring me down. No matter what the outcome of next weeks finale may bring, I have so many reasons to continue. My boyfriend and I have finally decided to move in together so I will be the one in charge of grocery shopping and have an added income! My boys will be eating healthy with me whether they like it or not! He and I have also discussed getting married next year so I have motivation to look beautiful on my wedding day. My wonderful cousin in West Palm Beach, Florida has offered to keep my son for 6 weeks this summer so I can save some money in daycare. (Shout out KIM-BA-LY!!!) LOL I am going to lose my mind without him, however, this will give me more time to focus on hitting the gym as hard as I can! I will not have anything stopping me from exercising. So there are some good news in the horizon!

I know I have said it 152 times but thank you so very much to EVERYONE involved with this wonderful opportunity. You truly have changed the lives of 9 AMAZING people and I have made some friends for life. For that, I can never repay but I will continue to show everyone that cares about me the skinner side of me!

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK TO ALL THE LOSERS INVOLVED! I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU!

Love, MichelleAngel

Published Friday, May 16, 2008 3:54 PM by mpaxton

Comments

 

EarlSelf said:

One day at a Time is the Best Way to Handle Life and its Challenges. You are Stronger than you Think...You Can Do Anything as Long as you Don't let it Become Overwhelming. Take lots of Small Steps and before you know it, you will be Skinny, Healthier, Married and HAPPY. You have already traveled a long ways on the Journey. The end is in sight, one step, one day, one week, one month at a time.

I can't wait to go to your Wedding and see the results.

Your friend and White Team Partner Always,

Earl
May 16, 2008 8:48 PM
 

Seezor said:

Heather King said it best to me when I gave a little of my history on one of the blogs.  "Like that commercial says, Life comes at you fast"  
I also thank God those lumps were nothing to sweat over.  You have had some hard decisions to make and it sounds like you have made some good choices.  I can give you a few tips about food.  I have a family of 5 and to make them not suffer while I am trying to eat better I did and still do a few things you may want to try.  
I make sure that my portions are not what they used to be.
Sometimes my wife would serve me rice which in not too bad but I usually put some of it back and get more veggies...or just fix my own plate.   I passed on breads where I used to use bread like a mop and clean my plate.
I control my lunch at work by brown bagging it from last nights dinner.
This saves me a lot of money from eating out and here is the best part of that.  I usually (Because I can) eat half or a portion of my lunch around a half hour to an hour before my lunch time as I work.  During lunch time I go for a walk or a workout.  Abour 2 hours or so later I eat the rest of my lunch.  It keeps the metabolism active and by the time I get home I am not starved for dinner so it is easier to eat light at dinner.
Most of america eats a very small breakfast, a wopping lunch and a wopping dinner.  If you think about it a lot of us eat the least when we are going to be the most active and eat the most when we are going to wind down for the night.
Glad you are back on track.  Keep it up and keep it going.  CS
May 16, 2008 8:50 PM
 

Laurie said:

Michelle, It is all about highs and lows.  I am so glad to hear that you are okay!  It took a lot of courage to share what you have been through.  You are doing great!  you dont have to lose 10 pounds a week to be validated.  Life does come at you fast (thanks Chris) and sometimes that means that it is not always going to mean success at the scales, but you have to do what you have to do.
Some great advice that i had been given was to eat from a smaller plate.  When you use a salad plate, you are going to eat less.  So even when what the meal is isn't great, at least the portions can be better controled.
Mickey and I were talking today about how much more expensive it is to eat healthy... and that really sucks!  
Continue doing what you are doing!  you can always incorporate your son with you, like taking bike rides, playing basketball and going for walks together.  That can truely give you the best of both worlds!
May 16, 2008 11:11 PM
 

MiltonG said:

This was the scariest blog I've read.  First, I'm so glad that the lumps were benign!  I can only imagine how scary that was for you.  

Since everyone else is giving you advice, I guess I will, too.  Afterall, isn't that the guy thing to do.

Grasshopper, the contest is almost over.  Now, you only have to satisfy yourself as to how much weight you lose.  You don't need to lose ten, eight, six, four, or even two pounds a week. All you have to do now is be honest with yourself that the effort you are putting out is all you can do given your life situation.

This was a "destination" but now it's a journey and unless you have a medical reason giving your weight loss an urgency then slow down and go at a pace that can get you to your goal without driving you insane.  Or perhaps more importantly, go at a pace that will allow you to feel comfortable and not feel guilty about the results.

Keep in mind that although you didn't win, the benefits you've gained are only gone  if you choose to let them go.   These include 8 or more new friends, knowledge that you can lose weight without drastic measures,  plus (and I think this is so important) you've started the journey...you've got momentum...you're not wishing, you're doing.  Just move to a different pace and...

DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!   I beat myself up for an extra Jello cup.  How insane is that?!?  You've recognized that the things you don't want in your life.  Even if you don't see it, I certainly see in you someone that is strong enough to overcome the things you mentioned.  But I believe the "beating yourself up" leads to guilt.  Then guilt leads to feeling bad about yourself and that leads to destructive habits.  It also prevents you from getting back on track.  And how's that working for ya'?  (This Dr. Milt moment brought to you by Ovaltine.)  

Sorry, this has been a touch couple of months for you.  I know it's trite, but hang in there.  You're probably doing much better than you think.  

Geez, am I a pollyanna or what?.  

Maybe you just need more fiber.

Milton
May 17, 2008 2:52 PM
 

Mickster40 said:

Thank you God that those lumps were benign and Michelle won't have to go through that nightmare again!

Michelle, I am not going to give you any advice cause you already have a bunch of good stuff above!! :)  Okay, one bit of advice, no not advice it is a command:  "PUT DOWN THOSE DAMN CIGARETTES!"  You do not need them anymore!! You have already kicked that habit and besides they are quite expensive and you can't afford them, either HEALTH WISE or FINANCIALLY!! :)

I will say I love you and am proud to call you my friend!! Hunter is a very lucky child to have a mom like you.  

I have said all along that this journey is about so much more then weight loss, it is about finding out who we are, why we do certain things, why we don't do other things, what our world means to us, what our friends and family mean to us, it is about a whole lot of things and reading your blog above confirms to me that you too are evaluating your life and making a plan to accomplish your goals.  That is progress!! :))))    

The journey is a long one, but it doesn't have to be a fast one!! You will arrive!

:) Melanie said on day one...."Fitness is a marathon, not a sprint!"  
May 17, 2008 10:11 PM
 

Pepe said:

WAAAAHHHHHHHH! Quit whining!
May 18, 2008 9:37 AM
 

Mickster40 said:

Pepe....quit reading!
May 18, 2008 10:28 PM
 

Belinda said:

Hey Michelle - I know how important going to the gym is to the mind set BUT how about some excersize dvds?  I have some to share with you if you are interested.  
Hey Mickster!  who is this peepee?
May 19, 2008 7:23 AM
 

True Believer said:

Yes, the end is near and it is closer than you think.  

I think that us people are a lot like the story of the ant and the grasshopper.  Like the ants that toil away putting back their food for the winter, many of us spend our lives doing God's work, tithing and putting away spiritual capitol for our time in Heaven.  Some though are like the grasshopper, joyfully jumping around, getting nothing done and frittering away their time.  It won't be the cold of winter they have to deal with.  It will be the blazing fires of everlasting damnation.

Repent now, before it is too late!  Come to the love of Jesus and leave behind your worldly pain.
May 19, 2008 8:48 AM
 

Mickster40 said:

Belinda - Who knows....??
May 19, 2008 10:20 AM
 

Seezor said:

Ignore Negativity!!!
I don't know who that Pepe person is but you are not whining.  Remember the old Bugs Bunny Cartoons?  
It must be "Pepe Le Pew".
May 19, 2008 10:31 AM
 

mpaxton said:

Thank all of you for your advice and support. I truly appreciate every one of you!
May 19, 2008 4:15 PM
 

Pedro said:

Michelle, You need to pay MORE attention to your son. You don't need to go to the gym, just do basic exercises in your bedroom, 30 minutes every morning and eat 3 small meals a day, drink plenty of water, thats it!

Good luck!!!
May 19, 2008 8:09 PM
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